(Not) Adventure Time With Dan and Cake
by Blade of Gallade
Summary: When Fiona leaves to help the Flame Prince with some stuff, Cake is left with a babysitter named Dan. Now just how many ways can a cat get on a sitter's nerves...? Contains scat. and strong language. and some other stuff like that.
1. Chapter 1

_It was another wonderfully strange day in the land of Aaa, where there was no telling what crazy misadventures Fiona and Cake were going to get into this time. Wait, What? J-just her? Oh, ok. Let me rephrase that last part... Where there's no telling what crazy misadventures Fiona was going to get into this time._

"What!? You cant go on alone Fiona!" Cake yelled at Fiona as the two stood at the front door of the treehouse.

"Well I dont really have a choice cake." Fiona said apologetically as she lifted up a loaded backpack "Flame Prince is gonna need my help trying to sign a treaty with the Ice Queen" She continued as she ten turned around "Besides... You can get a little unstable when I'm around boys, remember?"

"Then just what'm I supposed to do while you're out for Glob knows how long?" Cake asked Fiona, clearly unhappy.

"Dont worry about it cake, I've got a buddy willing to babysit!" Fiona said happily

"BABYSIT!?" Cake shouted angrily, waggling her stretchy arms about "Fiona I'm practically twice your age girl! I dont need no babysitter!"

"Relax Cake, that's in cat years! In human years you're technically my little sister. And hey, I bet you two'll have fun!"

Suddenly dropping from the roof of the treehouse was a blue-human like mutant with navy blue hair, wearing a dark red scarf and many bizarre ornaments around him, such as a belt of knives. The mere sight of this strange figure made Cake's tail start to frizz out.

"Did I mention your babysitter's a mercenary?" Fiona said smiling

"Dan. I've heard a lot about you Cake, its a pleasure to meet you." The mercenary apparently named "Dan" said politely, reaching out for a hand shake, only to be greeted by a cold glare from Cake.

"...W-well, try to get along you two! Fiona said, turning back around as she began her long trek to the flame kingdom, leaving Cake and Dan in an awkward silence.

Later Cake and Dan were sitting in the treehouse, on opposite sides of the room completely silent as they stared each other down coldly.

"So just to get things straight, I'm the oldest, so I'm in charge now." Cake finally said, standing up in a superior manner.

"Um, how about no." Dan said, causing Cake to look at him murderously "That's in cat years, kitty. I'm a teenager, you're still a kid, and its my job to babysit." He finished as he laid back on the couch and began reading a book "Call if you need somethin'"

Cake mumbled to herself as she stretched into the next room where BMO was.

"What's wrong Cake? Want to play some video gaaaaaaaammmeessss?" BMO asked curiously

"Its that Dan. Somethin' ain't right with the boy. Think's he can just waltz into MY treehouse and be the boss of ME." Cake replied, still slightly angry.

"Cake, I've played many dating simulators, and let me tell you something" BMO started, causing Cake to lean in to hear BMO better, "Adolescent boys, they all have a common weakness."

Suddenly Cake got a very devilish idea, one she hoped would make Dan think twice about "babysitting" her.

Dan was still lying on the couch reading when he heard someone walking, probably Cake. Lowering the book from his eyes, Dan nearly jumped from what he saw.

"What's wrong sugar? That's no way to say hi." Cake said seductively as she walked around the room, albeit her body stretched into that of a large, attractive woman, shaking her gigantic butt at Dan's face.

"C-can I help you Cake!?" Dan said, trying to keep his cool

"I was just wondering if you liked the view of my hot tomatas back there.." Cake said, wiggling her large buttocks even closer to Dan's face, who only stared silently. "C'mon baby, I thought YOU were in charge here... Or are there gonna be a few changes...?"

Dan remained silent as Cake's cakes grew even closer to his face until they were barely an inch away. That was when something caused Dan to snap out of his trance.

"Hey kitty, ever hear of a little something called toilet paper?" Dan asked mockingly.

Cake turned around in shock, remembering that she never really did wipe her butt, as being a cat, she didn't ever find it necessary.

"Sorry but I'm not much a fan for the smell of cat shit." Dan said in a cool manner.

Cake nearly turned red with anger after that comment on her behind. For that a new idea formed in her head, one she decided would really make Dan pay.

"Ok then... Excuse me for a moment..." Cake said as she walked into a different room.

Everything fell silent as Dan went back to reading, before a loud fart-like sound rumbled the treehouse, causing Dan to drop his book. The room fell silent again before Cake returned, still in her seductive form looking at Dan happily.

"Dan, there's something that needs your attention over here." She said, wiggling her finger.

Sighing, Dan got up and followed Cake into the next room, which smelled horrible. Looking down, Dan saw what appeared to be a litter box, although in the middle of it was a large, brown turd. No wonder where the smell came from.

"Cake... Did you do this?!" Dan asked, dumbfounded.

"Well DUH. It's my litter box! It's where I do my business~.." Cake said, accidentally farting.

"And why'd you want to show me this..?"

"You ARE the babysitter right? So YOU need to clean it out." Cake said triumphantly "Fiona does it. I'm the cat, so all I have to worry about is where I poop. As for you... Well try not to get any of that stuff on your clothes, baby."

Mumbling, Dan picked up the litter box containing the massive turd, which was surprisingly heavy as Cake only smiled and looked at him innocently, making it hard to believe it was her poop that smelled so horrible.

"This isn't over, kitten." Dan said tauntingly

Cake's stomach rumbled and she farted again, crossing her legs and wiggling her hips

"Oh I doubt it is..."


	2. Chapter 2

Cake was playing on BMO (For whatever reason still in her attractive form) When Dan walked in, dusting his hands off, when Cake sniffed the air and paused BMO

"Peeeyew! Boy do you smell like cat shit or is it just me!?" Cake taunted Dan as she laughed, accidentally farting "Oh! I guess it's a little a' both!"

Without a word, Dan walked over to Cake and put his satchel on the floor. Reaching in he took out the rubble of what resembled a blue box, dropping it in front of Cake.

"...W-what... Is this... M-my box...?" Cake asked, tears slowly flooding her eyes

"Now Cake, as you said, you're technically older than me, correct?" Dan asked while walking around Cake condescendingly "Then you should therefore be old enough to know how to use a REAL toilet. It's only babies and wild animals that shit on the floor or in boxes. "

Cake stood up furiously and attempted to scratch at Dan for destroying her litter box when out of nowhere a magical force field appeared and protected Dan from her assault.

"Sorry kitten, but years of being a merc can really pay off at times like this." Dan said confidently as Cake only stared and growled at him with her hair on end.

"Well now that we're past that horrible chapter in our association, I'll be in the shower. Cleaning out that poop box or whatever you call it rubbed off some of that shit on me." Dan said as the force field dissipated, leaving him to walk off to the bathroom before closing the door.

BMO came back into the main room when he/she/it saw Cake furiously tearing through Dan's clothes, satchel, ruining all of his belongings with her claws out of anger.

"Cake! What has gotten into you!?" BMO asked Cake as she flung various things out of the ruined satchel.

"Its Dan again! That boy's destroyed my litter box!" Cake yelled at BMO "Ooooooh, you BET I'm gettin' back at him for this one!"

"Then what are you doing with his bag?" BMO asked as Cake looked at the many trinkets owned by Dan.

"Loookin' forrrrrr..." Cake began, finally pulling out a Blue colored potion bottle with a - on it. "THIS!"

"And just what is that Cake?"

Turning around with a devilish smile, the feline Cake walked over to BMO and crouched to show he/she/it the bottle.

"This guy says he's some mercenary, am I right?" Cake asked, "Then if I'm not mistaken, this right here's a Minisize potion."

"...Mini...size..?" BMO asked curiously

Getting up, Cake turned to a flower pot near the window and put a single drop of the mysterious blue potion on it, causing it to shrink to half it's regular size.

"That looks cool Cake, but just why do you need it?" Asked BMO again

" ** _For a little payback._** " Cake said evilly.

At that moment, the sound of the shower stopped, and Cake heard Dan step out, immediately rushing to hide near the bathroom door. The moment the bathroom door swung open Cake jumped out from hiding and splashed the entire bottle of minisize potion onto Dan. The room went quiet, and after a thick blue cloud surrounding both Dan and Cake dissipated, Dan was nowhere to be found.

"*Cough* *Cough* Did it work...?" Cake asked, fanning the blue smoke from her face.

"NO SHIT IT WORKED!" A quiet voice called out from below Cake.

Cake looked down to the floor to find Dan, although something was way off. The once high and mighty Dan was now no larger than 3 inches tall compared to Cake.

"What the HELL were you doing with my minisize potion!? That shit's for capturing rare monsters only!"

After assessing the situation, Cake's evil smile returned as she lifted Dan into the palm of her hand. Paw. Thing.

"Well it's just that I've been takin' what you said into consideration Dan..." Cake began, "And I decided that maybe I should give using the toilet a try~.."

"...And how does this concern me...?" Dan asked curiously.

Walking to the other side of the bathroom, Cake stood directly in front of the toilet before tilting her hand, causing Dan to plummet directly into the toilet bowl.

"H-hey! What the hell's your problem Cake!? Y'know Fiona'll find out you tried to flush me!" Dan yelled as he attempted to stay afloat in the toilet water.

"Oh that wasn't the plan baby... Like I said, I thought I might give the toilet a try..." Cake said calmly.

Turning around so that her massive rear-end faced the toilet, Cake lifted her tail upward and slowly sat down on the seat, leaving Dan in complete darkness as her butt took up all of the toilet seat.

"Well didn't expect that! These things are pretty dang comfortable actually!" Cake said gleefully. "Hope you like front row seats, Dan."

With another evil smile, Cake then grunted before farting loudly once more, causing the treehouse to shake. It only took seconds before loud splashing and Slimy noises came from below Cake's rump as she sighed of relief and the entire bathroom was flooded with the same horrible scent of Cake's "business". She remained on the toilet for about 5 minutes before the sound of her poop changed from splashing into the water to simply piling up on itself in the toilet. Finally Cake stood up from the toilet sighing and letting out one last small fart.

"That reeeally felt good for me..." Cake said, fanning the stench from her nose. "How you doin' down there?" She asked, turning back to the toilet.

The room was completely silent as Cake stared at the poo filled, once clean toilet she was just on. After a few seconds, Dan rose out of the brown mush, standing on top of it and panting.

"You... Are... G-going... To be killed... Cake." He said between each breath, choking on the horrible smell all around him.

"Well sorry sweet cheeks, but every girl's gotta go~" Cake taunted, carefully lifting Dan by the scarf out of the toilet. "Whew! That's some STINK! We gotta get something done about this!"

"AND WHEN WE DO YOUR BATHROOM SCHEDULE'S GONNA BE THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS!" Dan yelled at Cake, still covered in the evil cat's poop.

"Stop your whining, boy." Cake said to Dan, picking up a diaper from beneath a cabinet and putting it on around her large bottom. "We'll just go see if Prince Gumball can do a thing or two about your problem"

"How'd you suppose we do that huh!?" Dan asked angrily.

Without another word Cake shoved Dan down into her diaper and her big butt.

"Well you did say only animals and babies poop in diapers right? So don't worry this should be the perfect solution!" Cake said happily. "Well we're off to the candy kingdom now!"

Cake triumphantly walked off, leaving the treehouse for the candy kingdom, letting out a loud fart once more as the back of her diaper instantly filled with more of her cat scat.

 _Jesus Christ, poor Dan._


End file.
